When a man is going through a process, when he’s met someone that he’s super interested in, and there’s this sequence of thoughts that he has and questions that he asks himself when deciding, is this someone that I want to be exclusive with?
Is this someone that I can really see myself developing a partnership with? What is that process that ultimately leads him to saying, yes, I choose her over other people in his life, over other options, over all the other options that exist? No, this is the person that I want to be with.
Today we’re gonna unpack seven questions that a man will ask him himself and specifically he will need to have yeses to every single one of these questions, and my guess is that you probably go through a very similar process when deciding, do you want to be exclusive, do you want to choose someone to be your partner? And so what’s gonna be curious is which of these questions really resonate with you, which of these are different than what you would ask, and which ones are you asking that men aren’t.
But I can tell you that every single one of these questions the majority of men go through when they’re going through their process of, do I want to pick this woman to be with? And so let’s take a look at what these seven are right now.
1. Do we share the same vision for the life that we want?
The first question is, do we share the same vision for the life that we want? In other words, are we headed in the same direction? Like, do we both see ourselves married, do we both see ourselves with kids or without kids? Do we both see ourselves as people going after our dreams, pursuing our careers, changing the world together? Do we see ourselves living in the United States or traveling the world?
The vision that he has for himself, your man is gonna choose somebody who is aligned in that vision, who he can see himself living the life that he’s imagined. By the time men get to the stage where they’re ready for a partnership, most often they’ve got a clear picture of the kind of life that they want to create for themselves and they wanna choose a woman who’s aligned with that same life.
2. Do we want the same things at the same time?
The second question that they’ll ask themselves is, do we want the same things at the same time? In other words, one of the big issues that comes up is kids. And when are you gonna have kids? Do you want the same number of kids but also when. A buddy of mine actually was with someone that he was in love with, she was in love with him, they decided to break up ’cause he wanted kids and she didn’t want kids, and she didn’t want kids for another five, seven years and he’s like, “Look, I don’t wanna wait that long to start a family. We clearly don’t want the same things.” Well, they did want the same thing, just not at the same time.
Another example is she wanted kids and the guy didn’t want the kids and so they broke up. So do you want the same thing at the same time? Do you want to progress? This is a timing of the relationship. Are you guys ready to launch the relationship at the same time? And here’s what’s important to recognize that you both have full permission to want what you want when you want it.
So if the timing doesn’t align, that’s often actually a sign that there’s bigger misalignment in the relationship than just that one topic.
3. Do I enjoy my time with her?
The third question that he’ll ask himself is, do I enjoy my time with her? Now, this might seem casual or maybe even superficial, but know this, this is super important, because every one of us we don’t wanna be in a relationship where the majority of it feels heavy or it feels like it’s friction or it’s filled with drama or is work.
Every one of us we want to be in a relationship that enriches our experience versus detracts from it. I had the privilege of being flown out to San Francisco to speak for the dating company Zoosk. And before I got there, they sent me a whole bunch of data from the millions of people that use their platform, and they found some really, really fascinating insights. One of those insights was that women who in their profile describe their life as fun or themselves as fun or they described all the fun things that they love to do, they got way more hits than other women where the relationship felt like it was gonna be heavy and serious and work.
Why? Well, because we want to get into a relationship because it’s enriching our lives, because it feels fun. So he’s going through this saying, wow, when I’m with her, does my life, is this fun? Is it way more life-giving than life detracting? In other words, are we fighting way more or are we laughing way more? Are we having fun way more of the time or is it just work and drama? Because the guy who’s gonna choose somebody, he’s gonna choose the woman that that relationship is fun, it is life-giving, it’s adventurous, the whole thing is way more positive than negative.
4. Do we have great physical chemistry?
The fourth question that he’s gonna ask is, do we have great physical chemistry? Because great relationships have two things. They have compatibility, like you’re best friends together, you’re having a blast, you’re laughing. But they also have great chemistry. That’s the thing that separates romantic relationships from just friendships. So he’s gonna say, do we have great chemistry?
Do we have a great sex life? Is this something that I could see myself wanting to invest in this and this alone for the rest of my life? Very, very important that there’s great chemistry. I imagine the same goes for you.
5. Can I live with her?
The fifth question that a man asks himself when deciding whether or not I want to commit to this relationship and really see it going the distance is, can I live with her? In other words, is she great in small doses, or is it really easy to be together over longer periods of time? Do we like the same music? Do we have the same kind of cleanliness habits? You know, is she way cleaner than I am, is she way more messy than I am, do we align in these things? Do we have the same life rhythm? Like how is living with her gonna be?
I remember my wife when we were dating one of the things I really appreciated is that I knew she was gonna be a great steward of our money. When we one day combine our money, I knew that she was going to really take care of it. How did I know that? Because of her own spending habits. She wasn’t spending a bunch of money that she didn’t have, she wasn’t accumulating a bunch of debt. She was really strategic and smart with her own money and I thought, ah, that’s one of the things that when I live with somebody, somebody’s a partner with me, that’s gonna be super important.
6. Do I like her family?
Number six is every man asks himself this question. Do I like her family? Do I like her friends? This one doesn’t have to be a yes for him to want to commit to you ’cause you just might be that awesome, but it is a concern. If he doesn’t like your family or your family doesn’t like him, that’s a challenge. Because the truth of the matter is, and any man who’s done any kind of investigating or real deep thinking around this knows that when you marry someone, you don’t just marry them, you marry their family.
The holidays, the birthdays, the important moments, especially if your family is important to you they’ve gotta be important to him. The more your family gets along together, the more you guys vibe together, that’s just an extra plus for him. He’s like, oh man, this is gonna be amazing.
I remember dating a woman and I liked her and then I met her family, and the fascinating thing is because her family was so cool I could see myself hanging out with the dad, I could see myself having fun and their family dynamic was just so awesome, it made my desire for her increase. I’ve had the opposite effect too. So same thing for you. Do you get along with his family? Do you get along with his friends? These worlds are so intertwined it just makes things so much better when you guys vibe with each other’s family. So that’s gonna be one of the questions that’s on his mind.
7. How do I feel about myself when I’m around her?
frankly this is the biggest one, this is the most important one, and this is he’ll ask himself, how do I feel about myself when I’m around her? In other words, do I feel like the man I want to be? Do I feel like a better version of myself? You know, every one of us you think about your relationships in your life and you know how there are people in your life that when you’re around them you just feel like the better version of yourself, and other people, friends, where you kind of feel like you have to kind of puff yourself up or be a certain way in order to get their approval or you try to kind of need to be someone that you’re trying to fit into their lifestyle, versus the person that when you’re with them you could just relax and you can be yourself and it’s easy and you feel great about who you are just because of the way they love you and accept you for who you are. Your man feels the same way. Your man goes through that same thought process and you’d be amazed. You have a huge ability to influence how he feels about himself when he’s around you. He wants to measure up in your eyes. He wants to be the man you want him to be.
So are you the woman who’s praising him, are you the woman who’s building him up, or are you the woman who’s tearing him down? Are you the woman who’s hero-sizing him, or are you the woman who’s criticizing him? Now, he should be hero-sizing you versus criticizing you, he should be building you up. And what’s great is where you have a relationship where you both are free to fail, free to be yourselves, free to be authentic, because you love and accept each other for who you are and you’re each other’s best cheerleaders where you’re pumping each other up.
That is a great relationship because here’s the deal, number seven, men will choose women that help them feel like the man they want to be. My question for you is when you’re choosing to be with a man, what are the questions you’re asking yourself about that relationship? Go ahead and post those in the comment section below, I would love to hear what’s on your mind regarding this topic. And know this. The man that you would love, that man is seeking you right now.
The desire that you have in your heart, maybe you’re already with him, but the potential for that amazing relationship to have you connect and for it to go even deeper, even more expanded, even more loving is absolutely possible. How do I know that? Because you’re a woman of growth. You’re here, you’re watching this video, you’re seeking to expand, and that is fantastic. So know this, I appreciate you. Thanks for watching. Here is to your extraordinary love life and I’ll see you soon.